Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Board of Education approves ski team

By: David Hicks

Jackson County Board of Education had a meeting last Thursday to discuss the activity that the whole school is crying for. The ski team was the main topic and would it be allowed was the question. Between the budgeting and the long trips, the board had to think long and hard about their decision.
The main problem was how they were going to get the kids to the slopes every day and how will they train. Coach Tabitha Craddock, who skied in college, said that it will be no problem, that they could just coat the streets with ice and ride down the hills, or just go off the hills all around the school. Then later they can set up a mock track and a simulation course so that they only will have to go to the actual slopes twice a month.
After the board conversed about the idea, they decided to give the student athletes what they want. If you are interested, go see Coach Craddock and she will give you information that you will need for next year. Something you will need to know is that you will have to pay for your own equipment and expenses until the Boosters can help support this newly found team.
You will also get to compete against several schools around the state and the nation at different slopes. Some schools like Beckley, who have been state champs for several years, will be just some of the opponents you will have to face. To get a feel of what you will be doing, just watch News Channel 3 at s7 p.m. to witness the finals at Beckley April 8.

Pranking ideas and tips

By: David Hicks

April Fool’s day is here and this means plenty of pranks and laughs. However, how do you know if your knock-out joke is going to be funny or make people just plain angry? Will this hurt someone? What is the possibility of this being a dud? These are things that you need to consider, but I have several pranks that are fool-proof and good fun for everyone. Well, except for the victim.
One of these pranks that is quite easy to do and is pretty funny to watch is the confetti car. It’s really simple. You just need a bag of confetti, a piece of paper, and a victim’s car. When the car is turned off, go into the car and open all the vents. Then, take the paper and use it like a funnel to pour the confetti into the air vents. The final step is to turn on the A/C all the way; this will send the confetti exploding out of the car’s air vents when the driver starts the car. The driver will generally scream or get extremely scared, but when it’s all said and done, if the victim can take the joke, they will laugh at this harmless prank.
Another good one is to Post-It note someone’s bedroom, car, or locker. This takes a good amount of Post-It notes, but is well worth the long, mind trying patients. First, pick your victim’s belonging that you’re going to use. Then gauge how much you’re going to need, but buy more just in case you have some accidents. This is quite harmless and very funny. The first reaction to the massive amount of sticky notes in their room will be one of confusion and bewilderment, but they will come to enjoy it.
There are thousands of pranks that one can do, and if you can’t think one up, then look it up on the internet. Just make sure you do your job and get your pranks done because this is the one time of year that it is basically acceptable no matter what you do. Just remember what you do comes around ten-fold, so be careful how far you take your pranks.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Shocking twist in Presidential election: local man likely to steal Republican nomination

By: Emma Shinn

After months and months of tedious campaigning from countless cookie-cutter candidates, some legitimately exciting news has finally emerged from the Republican party regarding a possible Presidential nominee. An unlikely (but completely qualified) candidate from right here in Ripley, West Virginia has made national headlines by recieving a huge number of write-in votes in the Republican primaries. Agriculture teacher and local farmer Craig Canterbury is rapidly shaping up to take the nomination.

Canterbury has been running a quiet, grassroots campaign for well over a year now. He was a relatively unknown option until a small group of supporters took to the internet, launching a viral campaign on his behalf. After posting hundreds of tweets, Facebook statuses, and blog posts, the group finally came to national attention after having a segment run about them on “The Today Show. “

Overnight, the Canterbury for Our Country campaign had taken the Republican party by storm. Because the campaign was largely unfunded, Canterbury’s name did not officially appear on a single ballot in any of the primaries. Rather, all of his votes came from write-ins resulting from the media attention surrounding the movement. When asked about his platform and the sudden success of his political endeavor, Canterbury had this to say:

“I never really set out to get our party’s nomination. I sort of got dared into it by some of my FFA students, to be honest. I’ve thought about politics quite a bit in the past, and while I’m not known for being quiet about things, I haven’t really expressed a lot of my opinions. I thought, what the heck, the best time to do that would be during an election. And so I ran for President as sort of a joke, and somehow it turned into all this.”

Canterbury’s platform is pretty simple. He and his supporters feel that leaders of both political parties have lost touch with “real” American citizens, and that in order to turn things around, we need to get an “average Joe” into the White House. Canterbury’s campaign staff is playing up his image as an average, working American who volunteers in his community and invests in our future by being an educator. They point out that while Canterbury doesn’t have any “big business” experience, his farm has been a commercial success in his area in the past.

Anyone looking to donate funds to or get more information about the Canterbury for Our Country campaign can do so by searching for the campaign title pretty much anywhere online. Think of it as a scavenger hunt, but with internet links! And for those of you who are of age, remember to get out and vote May 8, whether you’re voting for Canterbury or not.

Zoos authorize seal "clubbing" parties

By: Megan Mobley
     Zoos are now throwing parties for seals in captivity. They find that seals are under a lot of stress trying to impress all of the kids that come to see them. Scientists think that if they are thrown a party every week, all the stress that has heaped upon their tiny, little shoulders will eventually kill them. Do you want them to die? People think that since they aren’t humans, they aren’t that important. Seals are just as important as any other living creature. They deserve to have some of the same things that we have. They cannot take all of this stress.
     I am in favor of throwing parties for seals. They work hard, everyday, for our amusement. They deserve something in return. Why is giving them a break such a bad thing? They sit in their little habitats just eating and sleeping every day. That is a horrible life. Having to be lazy all day and not having to work for a living. Food is brought to them every day. That is just a terrible, terrible life that nobody wants. They need to be able to relieve all of that stress with a party.
     The people who are against all of this are wrong, plain and simple. They are just jealous because nobody loves them and everybody loves seals. Well, they just need to realize that everybody thinks they are wrong and hates them. They also need to learn that their moms never loved them.
     I am right in pushing zoos to have little seal parties. They need them to have an eventful life. The parties aren’t going to be themed even though they should be. It saves money to not have a different theme each time. People will be invited to party with the seals too. Everybody wants to party with seals.

Sports uniforms to change next year

By: Emma Shinn

Every year, the rules of our school are changed in various ways. The last few years have seen changes in cell phone, drink, and parking policies, among others. Next year one of the policies under construction will be the sports uniforms. Or, more specifically, the complete changing thereof. Every sports team at the school will have its uniform altered in some way. Here are the most dramatic changes.

Cheerleaders will be taken back to the ‘50s and ‘60s with their uniforms. Bulky sweaters and ankle-length skirts will be the style for the upcoming seasons. The administration feels this will be a great way to pay tribute to Ripley High cheerleaders of old, and the history of the sport overall. As one cheerleader (who has asked to remain anonymous) pointed out, “this change might finally shut up anyone who ever complained about the length of our skirts being inappropriate.”

The wrestlers will trade in their singlets in favor of long, flashy robes. The robes will be a nod to certain “professional” wrestlers (think Ric Flair or Randy Savage). The implication is that, by engaging in amateur wrestling while decked out in the attire of “professionals,” young wrestlers will be encouraged to take a job in sports entertainment some day.

The volleyball team will be issued lightweight protective armor in order to prevent injuries in the highly dangerous game. Facial masks and helmets will be encouraged, but not mandatory. Shields, spears, and maces will be expressly forbidden under all circumstances.

Objections to these changes come mostly in the form of assertions that the new uniforms will restrict movement, thus making it more difficult to engage in the aforementioned sports. On this issue, the administration feels that sports are meant to be challenging, and players should embrace the opportunity to improve and show their skills.

New Constitution changes the way America rolls

   By: Logan Moore

   Just recently, American archaeologists have discovered a revision of the American Constitution written by the same founding fathers, just a few years after the original that our country has been founded on.  Apparently, many Americans disagreed with the way the original was written, and they demanded a change. The new constitution was found in Philadelphia, where the original version was written as well, in a chest buried deep in the local park. News of this has been brought to President Obama, and this new constitution is going into consideration as to whether or not we should use it or not. What could this mean for us as the people?
   Probably the biggest change to the constitution was the First Amendment. Freedom of speech was revised to only allow people who have jobs issued by or businesses approved by the government to speak with the freedom we have today. Those who are not contributing to the nation will not have the right to say as they please. This is to prevent those who are not giving the nation anything any way to destroy it. The right to assemble is also similar to this, meaning you have no legal way to meet with others if you don’t have a job. This is to prevent unions and possible threats to the government.
   Freedom of the press has also been changed to only allow newspapers that are approved by the government to print as they please. Any sort of propaganda against the government will be allowed, and if such happens, it will not be tolerated. Consequences include total shut down of the newspaper company in general, and jail time depending on the case. It’s also pretty fair to note that the right to petition has been completely taken out.
   Arguably, the biggest revision to the First Amendment was the freedom of religion. The government will only allow one religion to be worshipped in America – Christianity. Any other practices are punishable by law, which had some pretty extreme punishments, such as multiple years in jail, but this is mostly up to the states.
   Many people have been pretty accepting of this new set of laws. Samantha Slipgrass claims:
   “I think this new constitution can give a change to America that it needs. I’m hoping that Congress decides to pass this so that I can live in a nation that’s not full of pointless freedoms we don’t need.”
   Much more research will have to go into this in order to implement it in the history textbooks. Historians are already on the case and have dedicated a website to the findings. Although much could be changed, it’s still only up for consideration by Congress if we should implement this as law. If you would like a full list on the changes, go to http://www.thenewconsitutionhasbeendiggedup.org.com/.

Lunch schedule changes, improves student health

By: Taryn Matheny

   Ripley High School is going to be changing its schedule once again next year by getting rid of the two lunches and changing it to five lunches. This will be a hard change for most students because they are used to eating lunch once a day, but next year students will only get to eat once a week. This has been passed by the school board because they are looking to make our students skinnier.
   This year, if you have 5th period in the Annex, you have first lunch; if you have 5th period in the main building, then you have second lunch. Next year, if you have 5th period in the bottom of the annex then you will have lunch on Monday and if you have class on the top floor of the Annex then you have lunch on Tuesday. Students that have class on the bottom floor of the main building will have lunch on Wednesday and students that have class on the top floor of the main building will have lunch on Thursday. The lunch given to students on Friday will be for students that have a 5th period class in the gym, Music building, theatre or if you are taking co-op.
   Students will be given a one hour lunch on the first Tuesday of every month where they will spend 15 minutes of their lunch walking around the track in an effort to try and make them skinnier as well. Students will also be given smaller portions in this new five lunch deal. With only having to serve lunch for fewer students, the school will also be able to use more of their money for things such as sports programs or academics.
   The lunches will be cut down from 30 minutes to 15 minutes with the new laws that have been passed throughout the state. It says that a student only has to have ten minutes to eat lunch, so you will actually get five more minutes than most schools. You will be provided with snacks, such as fruit every day in your 5th period classes, however, it will only be a cup of your choice of fruit.
   The five lunches will be a hard transition for most students to make, but it will help in making students healthier and in the long run will let you feel better about yourselves. Students will get even more time in the class room to learn and it should help our students to have a better diet. This will be a great change for Ripley High School.

Point-Counterpoint-Desks are best

By: Sarah Smith

Why do we complain about desks so much? The desks here at school are amazing, and we have no reason to complain. We could all be sitting on the floor like cavemen, but we are not thanks entirely to our fantastic desks. Besides, our desks have several advantages that we would not have if we used any other form of classroom seating.

The tops of our desks are wonderful places. Who hasn’t enjoyed the thoughtful, sensitive works of art that have been scratched into the desktops over the years? And who could complain about the ample amount of space our desks give us for completing our work? Just the other day, while admiring a lovely swastika carved into my assigned seat, I was thinking “Wow! It’s so convenient how roomy these desks are. I have an abundance of space for all my materials. How impressive.”

Then there’s the bottom of the desk. First, you have the flat plastic seat. This seat is so comfortable that I have more than once been tempted to remain after the class-change bell rang just to enjoy it for a few minutes more. Then there are four skinny little legs, much like the ones that hold up an adorable newborn horse. Those legs have never failed to hold up a student, and their support is comparable to the support of our student section for our athletes at sporting events. Lastly, there are the caps on the bottom of the chair that stop it from scraping the floor. There are always one or two chairs per classroom that are missing a couple of those caps. Like most of the student body, at the beginning of each new year I sprint to my new classes to try and claim one of those seats as my own. It’s as much fun as a rocking horse without the annoyance of actually resembling a cute animal. And the squeaking noise they make? Like Heaven for ears.

All in all, the desks we have are awesome. Don’t quote me, but they might be the best desks in the whole world. I wish I never had to graduate so I could remain seated in a high school desk for the rest of my life

A hip new sport

By: Logan Moore

   A recent trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico that I made enlightened me on a brand new sport. After making a few friends there, they showed me the ways of “Hip Tossing”, a strange name that fits the sport in several ways.
   The object of the game is to swing small fruits across a field and see how far they get. First, imagine a person with two lovely melons tied on the belt loop of their hip with a tiny string. All of the sudden, they’re circulated their hips around quickly and then twists them to the side. The melon flies off the string and splats on the 15 yard line of the playing field. It was quite a site to watch, but I had to try it myself.
   There was a rule debriefing, but the game didn’t have a whole lot of rules. You can’t cross the line that’s laid before you, and you have to keep the fruit on the field or it doesn’t count. After the regulations, a man tied two heavy cantaloupes attached to a thin string, just strong enough to hold them. The box was about 10 yards wide, nothing too special about it. I started swinging my hips around and twisted my hip to the side to break the string. The melon rolled and hit the 7 yard mark; not too great. I did the same with the other melon and got it just a few inches further.
   Although the pain I experienced in my hips afterwards, the sport was a lot of fun. Hopefully Ripley High School adopts this sport as our own and we’ll have our very own “Hip Tossing” sports team.

Quabble sport not for baby, whiners

By: Megan Mobley

     While trekking through a rain forest after having my plan crashed, I came upon a lost civilization. These people called themselves the Zomquables. They let me stay with them a few days to regain my health.
     One day I traveled outside and saw them playing a game. They called it Quabble. I called it crazy.
     I asked them what the object of the game was. They said that individually you want to have the zingo at the end of the game. You will have 6 players to a team.
     For equipment, you have to have a zingo, slanth, and prume. A zingo is as big as a base-ball, slanth as big as a dodge-ball, and a prume as big as a basketball. Players can wear knee pads. Both teams will bring a horrible creature that will attack the other team anytime they try to shoot. You have to be quick, and brave.
     To get a point, you have to hit and knock all of the balls out of the other team’s hand. If you punch, kick, bite or attack, you lose 5 points. You are allowed to push and trip others though.
     You have to be strong and able to run. You have to fend off other players and run and down the field. Throwing would also be another good ability. If you get hit with a ball you can’t be a baby and whine about it. Nobody likes to play with a baby. If you whine you get stuck with one of the horrible creatures for about 5-10 minutes.
     Their playing field is as big as a football field. Basket-ball hoops will be at both ends. Walls would be behind both hoops. Random traps will be placed all over the field because it makes the game more interesting to the viewers. Some of the traps with contain holes with spikes on the floor and walls. There will be a hole that leads you to a big thing of water. Tubes and tunnels will be placed randomly and will lead to a bunch of places under the field.
     The Zomquables had a lot of fun while they were playing, nobody was seriously injured. I would have played but I wasn’t in shape. It was crazy, but also pretty cool.

Point-Counterpoint-Bean bags should replace desks

By: Taryn Matheny

   Desks have been causing problems in the school system throughout the years. They are uncomfortable and painful, making it difficult for kids to focus on their work during school. Desks have been considered to be the number one reason for high school drop outs. Students say that the pain is just too much for them to bear. Bean bags will increase test scores, class participation, and the overall positive attitudes of the students.
    Students normally leave the classroom in pain after being in the cold hard desks for an entire class period, but with the new idea of the bean bags, this will never be a problem again. Now, most people would ask; how you are going to write sitting in the bean bag? It has nothing to lay your paper on for support while writing. This is why every student would be given a clipboard to clip their assignments to and write on. A desk gives you the feeling that you have just been run over by a truck after you get up from sitting on it, but a bean bag will give you the feeling that you are floating on a cloud even when you’re off of it. Bean bags have been recommended by 22 out of 566 chiropractors in a survey taken across the United States.
   I say it is time to take out the old and bring in the new by bringing in the bean bags. Students will increase test scores by having these bean bags, because instead of losing focus while listening in class they will be in such comfort that it will make school fun. It will have students bouncing up and down to answer questions, because they will have a much better attitude during classes. Desks have done a lot of bad; they have even made school so intolerable for students that they just give up. If Ripley High School wants to be the best, then we are going to have to use the best, right down to the chairs that we sit in to learn.
   I believe from the reasons that I have given should convince people to change into using bean bags. If you want to help the cause for bean bags over desks, then you should join us April 23 at the Board meeting to try and convince them to change. Let’s make Ripley High School a comfortable school.

Prom dress code changes again

By: Anni Ashworth

Everyone at Ripley High has been crossing their fingers, waiting for the new prom rules this year. Buying dresses has been put off and pictures have been sent in for the approval of principals. However, no one was expecting the rules that are actually being put into effect for the event.
After receiving many pictures of dresses that were inappropriate and unfit for high school prom attire based on the student recommended policy, our principals have came together and decided to take the dress code into their own hands. They have restated the entire thing, starting with new criteria for what the dresses have to cover. Dresses must be at least knee length and cover elbows and necks. No one will be allowed into the dance if their dress breaks even one of these guidelines. There is also a new rule about how tight dresses can be. No feminine features such as curves can be visible through the tightness of a dress. The last, most surprising rule is that all prom attire must be at least an inch thick. This will help with any of the basic rules being broken and also helps with the heating price issues that are currently in effect at the venue.
Basically, if you’ve bought a dress previously, now would be the time to send it back. Attire must follow the new guidelines or you will be kicked out of prom. On the positive side, finding something that fits the new criteria will probably be more fun than the actual dance.

Ms. Okes finds man of dreams, marries

By: Elaika Beaver

Emily Okes has been an English teacher at Ripley High for four long years now. She recently has announced to a select few students that she is married. Of course the big rock on her finger gives it away to, though only recently started wearing it. Shockingly, she has been married since Christmas break. Okes will be leaving the work life, but will continue to with organizations like Habitat for Humanity. She will campaign for teacher’s rights to get them higher wages.
Okes says, “I will miss teaching very much and will dabble in it time to time. I am having a school for underprivileged kids built in South America. It will be done by the end of summer.”
Her new husband is 32 year old Tyler Phillips from Kansas. They met while Okes was visiting her cousin who served as a missionary in Bolivia. Phillips was with a group of doctors who was visiting the orphanage. They hit it off over a dinner of Yuka.
“He is an awesome guy and dinner was a lot of fun”. Okes says.
Phillips is a wealthy man and travels the world as an orthopedic surgeon who volunteers for Operation Smile. He travels to third world countries to perform much -needed surgeries on kids and adults who have not properly developed usually due to poor medical treatment or malnourishment.
Okes and her new husband will have a home base in Elkins, West Virginia. For the most part of the year, though, they will be traveling across seas for Phillips’ job.
Okes said “I couldn’t be happier in life. He’s the swellest guy in the world.”
This will be a sad loss for the school; she is a good teacher and will be missed by many. We hope she has a happy life and hopefully comes back to visit.

Beyonce speaks at graduation this year

By: Anni Ashworth

This year’s graduation is going above and beyond. With the biggest class that Ripley has had in years leaving they were basically expected to go out with a bang. No one was expecting them to go out this big, however.
Basically everyone at Ripley High has been curious about BeyoncĂ© and Jay-Z’s newborn, Blue Ivy Carter; we’ve all been waiting for her big appearance. But to every ones’ surprise the couple has decided to make the baby’s first real appearance in little Ripley, West Virginia. The couple announced that they will be speaking at the 2012 graduation. That surprise is big enough, but the couple also decided to introduce their baby to the world at the ceremony too.
“We wanted to make her introduction to the celebrity world in the smallest way possible. Ripley is a cute, small, calm environment that was a perfect fit,” BeyoncĂ© commented to local reporters.
The couple will be speaking at the graduation ceremony on May 25th. They will follow their speeches with performances at Project Graduation to help keep seniors in the night after they graduate. RHS is looking forward to the surprising visit.

New taco bar in cafeteria

By: Elaika Beaver

Food at Ripley High is always a hot topic during the year. Students complain every year that there is not enough food or that is doesn’t taste good. We have a salad bar, but let’s be honest: salad doesn’t fill you up. In middle school students used to have a pizza side to the lunch line so every day was pizza. After awhile, even pizza isn’t as popular as it used to be. So what about getting something most people like but rarely have. How about a taco bar?
That’s right! Next year instead of the salad bar, the school will be having a taco bar. The bar will consist of everything that a Taco Bell taco comes with, including lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, and shredded cheese. There will also be hot sauce for the spicy lovers.
Getting enough to eat is also very important because big tough guys or even small girls can have really big appetites. One taco is just not enough for young adults. This is a buffet bar; students can get as many tacos as they wish. The plus is, it still meets health regulations.
Assistant principal Bev Shatto said “The ingredients have been modified to meet the stringent nutritional rules. The meat will be made from turkey burger and the cheese from soy milk.”
We know how impatient hungry adults can be, so if the person in front of you isn’t paying attention, feel free to skip ahead. The teachers on duty will be informed of this new change, so don’t worry about getting sent to the back of the line.
The biggest plus is, it’s free! This is hard to believe, but it’s true. Taco Bell is Ripley Highs new partner in education. So for the first year the taco bar is completely free. If it does well, then the school will continue to have it. If not, it’s back to the salad bar.