Monday, April 2, 2012

Sports uniforms to change next year

By: Emma Shinn

Every year, the rules of our school are changed in various ways. The last few years have seen changes in cell phone, drink, and parking policies, among others. Next year one of the policies under construction will be the sports uniforms. Or, more specifically, the complete changing thereof. Every sports team at the school will have its uniform altered in some way. Here are the most dramatic changes.

Cheerleaders will be taken back to the ‘50s and ‘60s with their uniforms. Bulky sweaters and ankle-length skirts will be the style for the upcoming seasons. The administration feels this will be a great way to pay tribute to Ripley High cheerleaders of old, and the history of the sport overall. As one cheerleader (who has asked to remain anonymous) pointed out, “this change might finally shut up anyone who ever complained about the length of our skirts being inappropriate.”

The wrestlers will trade in their singlets in favor of long, flashy robes. The robes will be a nod to certain “professional” wrestlers (think Ric Flair or Randy Savage). The implication is that, by engaging in amateur wrestling while decked out in the attire of “professionals,” young wrestlers will be encouraged to take a job in sports entertainment some day.

The volleyball team will be issued lightweight protective armor in order to prevent injuries in the highly dangerous game. Facial masks and helmets will be encouraged, but not mandatory. Shields, spears, and maces will be expressly forbidden under all circumstances.

Objections to these changes come mostly in the form of assertions that the new uniforms will restrict movement, thus making it more difficult to engage in the aforementioned sports. On this issue, the administration feels that sports are meant to be challenging, and players should embrace the opportunity to improve and show their skills.

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